Friday, June 6, 2008

Red Album

Artist: Weezer
Album: Weezer (The Red Album)

Rating: Jimmy Carter

Having lived with the Red Album for a few days, I am thoroughly frustrated with it. It has one my favorite Weezer song since the Maladroit record's "Death and Destruction" and "Love Explosion" with "Pork and Beans." But it also has a serious battle on its hands for not just worst Weezer song to make its way onto an album but for worst songs of all-time. The two main offenders here are "Heart Songs" and "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived." I can't really bring myself to talk about "Heart Songs" it's so bad but "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" gives us nearly six minutes of crap-tastic entertainment to talk about. Let's start with the opening lyrics:

"You try to play it cool like you just don't care
But soon I'll be playin' in your underwear"

And I haven't mentioned that this is rapped by the way. This is the sort of rhyme scheme that I come up with when I try to write poetry...I guess I should stick to haikus.

Let's now move on to the full song title "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Quaker a Shaker Hymn). Here's an idea...let's write a 6-minute song essentially about sex [as a good 75% of Weezer songs are] and let's use a Shaker hymn as the backing meolody. In case you don't know, here are some facts about Shakers:
  • they did not have sex, and instead adopted children to grow the congregation
  • Shaker homes were segregated by sex
  • They lived a communal lifestyle
  • they made some pretty good furniture
I don't think a Shaker has ever uttered the words "I'm the Greatest Man That Ever Lived."

And I want to not that I'm not writing this because maybe it's cool to rip on Weezer. Weezer has probably shaped my life more than any other band...they are why I wear the glass frames that I do. I buy all their albums, no questions asked...what more could they want? I am just afraid I have come to expect too much from my favorite nerd band.

Let's leave this on a positive note...the best song on the album does not even come from Rivers Cuomo but instead guitarist Brian Bell with "Thought I Knew." I hope Weezer keep this up and take a more Blur-like attitude to sharing their lead singer duties.

Weezer -- Thought I Knew

Weezer -- Pork & Beans

Weezer -- The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)

Both tracks are from the Red Album.